“There’s nothing refuting that I’m depressed and need pills.”
Dr Grier, also doctor to the legendary SBS, looked at me, “I see many men as fit as you recently were withering due to strange, illusive illnesses. Many assume they must be depressed, they and you aren’t. You’re not the sort. Your system is depressed, which puts enormous physical and psychological strain on the brain and mind, making you feel depressed, so no, no pills. You simply have to live with it.”
That was a while ago and I still wake each morning feeling ‘depressed’, not wanting to, or having the energy, to rise out of bed. My response is to get out quickly regardless of how ill I feel, and get on with my gentle morning routine then to try to do as much as I am capable of. It is why I wrote ‘Tracing the Flow’, laying down in a simple little book ways of uplifting my spirits, aiming it at those who feel stressed. The mental health charity MIND said I can tag it to them, so it is hopefully helping people who are genuinely depressed, not fakes like me.
We have our moods in our hands and are capable of turning them, which is why I’m writing this blog today when I am utterly exhausted and psychologically ‘beat’. In lockdown we need to keep our minds alive, to find ways of being positive, for the well of depression has slippery sides and it is best to catch ourselves before we slide to far into its abyss.