Unusually, today’s blog starts in my mind as it grapples with the reality surrounding it, and finds a way to live with it. None of us have the perfect lives we might hope for and happiness comes not from striving towards some idyllic existence, but accepting what you face and discovering life’s little gems. We are fortunate to have the luxury to have emotional and physical choice, unlike those being bombarded by artillery, such as the Kurds, those in utter poverty and those with lousy health.
It might be the constant rain, maybe its the heavy clouds creating a somber darkness at noon, it could be that we are homeless. It certainly doesn’t help that we’ve exchanged eternal Sunshine and T-shirt weather for this. Or is it the uncertainty which bugs us right now?
We can’t seem to find a winter let and we are leaving here three days time. I know our friends would berate us, saying we can stay as long as we wish. How kind they are, but they’ve hardly had any time together as he’s been working abroad and this arrangement was made when she was alone in the house. To stay on would be insensitive.
But where to go? We’ve another friend who has offered us a house she rents out to supplement her small pension, but it felt depressing, dirty, uncared for because the tenant had been depressed and had committed suicide, hopefully not in the house. Maybe the place will look better once it’s cleaned up? But it will be empty, very empty. OK, we could camp indoors for a while, but for the entire winter?
The positive is that it’s round the corner from the house we’ve fallen for. But we’ve just discovered that attractive cottage needs essential work to make it safe. That’s the problem at our end of the property ladder, you get the dross. Are we up to such a project? Will I be able to stand back from the work required?
I mustn’t forget that doing up the idyllic country cottage we’ve not long sold, did me in, which was why we had to sell. Before then I could cycle and walk enough to keep fit, now I’m a constant wreck, hence unable to get enough exercise to become fit. Just two years ago, people used to be shocked when they discovered my age, now they don’t react. For the first time my life, despite all the things which happened to me, I’ve become my age. That shows what’s happened to me.
I keep meeting others my age who are as fit as a fiddle, as jealousy rises, I remind myself that I’m lucky to be alive, and not just once…. There are those who are like me and aged only 15, I tell myself, so be happy to be here.
The honey-stone house is in exactly the place we wanted it to be, it is lovely, old, the perfect size and character for us. If you can see beyond the work, the incentive is high. Maybe camping in an empty, sad house for several month is worth it? You can see why we are edging towards depression, wrapped in jumpers, raincoats, we struggle to lift ourselves.
This morning, my wife’s answer was to have her hair cut. Mine was to paint a painting for our friends. It is a watercolour and of dhows, for she is from Kenya and he likes sailing. Later we went for a wet, wet walk.
I frequently reside in that part of my brain which knows this is a trifle, that others suffer far worse, to say nothing of the Kurds Trump betrayed even through they defeated ISIS for him. And this heavy rain Britain is suffering is part of Global Warming - twice the average rain has fallen upon these isles this past year whilst France has sweltered under 45 degrees of relentless sunshine. Now there’s something real to be miserable about!